SOME BRIEF OBSERVATIONS

HOLDING THEIR BREATH AND TURNING BLUE

The majority of the Republicans who are screaming about the Democrats in today's American political scene, are like the petulant boy in high school whose girlfriend dumped him for the hottest stud in the class. Instead of moving on and finding a new girlfriend, he puts all of his energy into trying to concoct negative spins about the guy who stole his girl.

In the case of Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney and Bill O'Reilly, there is no end to their absurdity insofar as badmouthing the "guy who took my girl." But like the whining teenager, they know in the recesses of their own mind that the ex-girlfriend made the move because there was someone out there far more attractive and much better suited to her needs.

The new boyfriend to dis for today's Republicans is Barack Obama. Compared to the jilted boyfriend, he is much more attractive, far more intelligent and is the sole center of attention at every party. Most importantly, he pays a lot of attention to the girl, makes her feel like a billion bucks and makes her the center of his focus. In other words, he is the all-time Big Man on Campus!!

Limbaugh & Company are the immature kid who can't be honest with himself. The more the new boyfriend is observed, the more apparent it is that the former girlfriend made the right move for all the right reasons.

The right wing fanaticism of previous years is becoming less and less influential almost by the hour. Unflappable Obama who doesn't miss a beat, gives new meaning to label of "the Teflon President." He is good-looking, blatantly smart and has the hot, intelligent wife and the super cute kids. He is just a lot sexier and far more appealing than Limbaugh or Cheney, neither of whom could get laid if you dropped them off at a Nevada whorehouse with $10,000 in cold cash in their pockets.

It's simple. The Republicans got their asses kicked in the last two national elections, are watching their ranks diminish (note: don't you love how Obama systematically plucks Republican officials away for jobs like Ambassador to China and Secretary of the Army) and are most likely going to take further hits in 2010.

Believe me, Rush, Dick and Bill are saying to themselves "this guy is good and we can't stop him."

DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS

Even down in Texas, a GOP stronghold after the era of LBJ, Republicans seem to be running around aimlessly and knocking over the furniture.

Pretty Boy Rick Perry, the governor muttering about secession, has about as much pull these days as Rod Blagojevich. The two of them are rumored to be upcoming guests on a new show, "Dancing with the Stupid." Slick Rick is even having problems with the GOP-controlled state legislature. The State Senate said no to a Perry-nominated selection for the Texas Parole Board, and both houses want to replace the Department of Transportation which currently headed by a Perry crony, and replace it with an elected commission.

There have been other stumbles along the way as well, but the one issue that plagues Slick is his outspoken resistance to taking the Lone Star State's share of the Federal stimulus money. This is another example of the pouting little kid syndrome which permeates through the GOP. It's popular and not their idea, so it must be no good.

Well, that is unless your house burned down.

Last year, arson resulted in the governor's mansion being damaged and the fix-up costs are projected at a modest $22 million. Slick, whose tact is totally unexplainable, said that half of the anticipated costs would come out of the stimulus money. The other half would be from the state budget and private citizen and corporate donations. Isn't this the party that claims they want less government and for Mr. and Mrs. America to keep their money and not see it going into public coffers?

By the way, is it possible the arsonist mistook the governor's mansion for an abortion clinic?

MEIN FUHRER, THEY ARE PLAYING YOUR SONG!

The Republican National Committee recently aired television spots attacking the current administration and Democratically-controlled Congress and specifically focused on the likes of Nancy Pelosi. A couple of weeks ago, Rachel Maddow wondered out loud about the background music of those commercials saying it sounded like something from Wagner that you would have heard on German airwaves in the 1930s. Thanks to my friend Tom Baines, an Oklahoma City attorney who is a true Renaissance man, I discovered the tune is by the late German composer Carl Orff and the music is from his opera Carmina Buruna, the theme of which revolves around defrocked priests and a fair amount of debauchery. Fitting, in a way, since the current Pope was once a member of the Hitler Youth Corps and later a WWII veteran in the Wehrmacht.

THANKS DADDY, BUT I'D RATHER HAVE AN OUT-OF-WEDLOCK BABY

Levi "what-time-are-your-parents-leaving" Johnston claims in a recent interview that his ex-girlfriend "Brillo" Palin was offered a new car by her father, Todd the First Dud, if she would dump Johnston. Brillo passed on the offer and one has to assume that by then her pregnancy test had turned blue (or whatever is the indicator that says "hey, sweetheart, you're all knocked up!") I wonder if she maybe said "yes and can you thrown in an infant seat, too?"

You would think that if you know your daughter was constantly fucking her boyfriend in your family room, that a car would just be another logical place for her to get laid, albeit not as comfortable. How about some kind of birth control, Todd? Oh sorry, I forgot that your God is against birth control.

MORE DONOHUE CRITICISM

I thought I took it to Bill Donohue pretty good in my latest post when I blasted his response to last week's report released by the Irish Commission investigating decades of abuse by Catholic priests, nuns, monks and lay people against children. Well I have to take a second place to Michael Rosch. To learn more, visit www.buzzflash.com and then scroll down and look on the left side for Report: Catholic Leaders in Ireland Downplaying Abuse Report 5/26.

Well worth the read

ANTI SCIENCE REPUBLICANS

The earth is flat. That's the conclusion that needs to be reached if you listen to enough of the anti-science Republicans in the U.S. Congress.

The latest hobbyhorse they seem to be riding is CO2, you know, carbon dioxide. Because CO2 is a routine, day-to-day element in the environment, they defend it. They do so, however, because CO2's overabundance resulting from man-made activities, is a major factor in creating the greenhouse effect, which according to the vast majority of us who now believe the earth circles the sun and not the other way around, is resulting in global warming.

The Grand Obstructionist Party is filled with knuckleheads who dispel global warming for no other reason than it would require them take a stand not in the best economic interests of their big capitalist supporters.

Of the real crackpots sitting on the right side of the aisle in both houses, three stand out for their continuing display of brainless blathering...Jim Inhofe, Joe Barton and, of course, Michele Bachmann.

A closer look at all three is both comical and frightening.

Let's start with Inhofe. The tonnage of this man's ignorance is astounding. A very good source of mine who is an Oklahoman and, therefore, a constituent by default of the senior U.S. Senator from the Sooner State. Anyway, he tells the story of Inhofe, who has a private pilot's license, getting ready to take off a few years ago in a twin engine prop plane to head to D.C. Just prior to takeoff, it was pointed out to the senator, that one of his engine gauges registered no oil pressure. Let me repeat that...no oil pressure!! In a blatant act of complete irresponsibility, Inhofe announced he wasn't concerned, was in a hurry and would take care of it once in Washington.

Somehow he made it which, depending upon your perspective, may or may not be a good thing.

Big Jim has taken a major stand against global warming or, more precisely, its causes. One thing for sure, he's convinced it is not man-made.

Inhofe once claimed Global Warming is "the second-largest hoax ever played on the American people, after the separation of church and state"

He has claimed that the threat of global warming was exaggerated by "the media, Hollywood elites and pop culture" Boy, those poor folks in Hollywood. Bill Donohue claims they like anal sex and sodomy with their mothers. I can't understand how they can possible produce and release a single film, what with all that ass fucking and motherfucking going on while at the same time haranguing against global warming. I know I simply couldn't constantly fit that into an average day.

Oh, yes, only Texas senator John Coryn received more campaign donations from the oil and gas industry than Inhofe in the 2002 election cycle. The contributions Inhofe has received from the energy and natural resource sector since taking office have exceeded one million dollars.
Now shift from the Senate to the House of Representatives and begin with Texas Congressman Joe Barton. Barton, you may recall, claimed a few weeks back that college football's Bowl Championship Series, which is currently used to determine the annual national championship, is "communism." In an email at the time to many of you, I said I went through Marx's Das Kapital and, indeed, found that Marx (along with the assistance of Engels) wrote extensively back in the middle of the Nineteenth Century about the need for an uprising in college football to overthrow the BCS and replace it with a much more proletariat-friendly playoff system.

Last week, Barton (who looks like he could have fathered the retarded banjo playing hillbilly kid in "Deliverance") was on C-Span. According to the Huffington Post and the replay from C-Span, Barton said about CO2, " I'm creating it as I talk to you. It's in your Coca-Cola, your Dr. Pepper and your Perrier water. It's necessary for human life. It's odorless, colorless, tasteless, doesn't cause cancer, doesn't cause asthma. There's nobody that's ever been admitted to a hospital because of CO2 poisoning."

He was condemned later that day in the Economist for his stance, which profiled him in its "Profiles In Stupidity" column:

"We've chronicled Mr. Barton's stupidity (there really is no other word for it) before. Anyone looking for exhibit A in what's wrong with the Republican Party should start with the good congressman...

"Please don't get me wrong, it's not simply that Mr. Barton is a climate-change skeptic. There are plenty of those and some make decent arguments against moving ahead with measures to control emissions. The problem with Mr. Barton is that he is wholly uninterested in the science and statistics of the global warming debate. He is about as curious as a dead cat, as is his colleague in the Senate, James Inhofe."

Then there is Michele Bachmann who is so goddamn stupid on so many fronts it is a challenge to know where to begin. But since we are focusing on global warming, let's stick to her comments (well, "comments" is being kind) on CO2.

Last month, Brainless Bachmann took the floor one evening (she does that a lot, almost always when there are only less than 10 other members present) and said, "Carbon dioxide, Mister Speaker, is a natural byproduct of nature. Carbon dioxide is natural. It occurs in Earth. It is a part of the regular life cycle of Earth. In fact, life on planet Earth can’t even exist without carbon dioxide. So necessary is it to human life, to animal life, to plant life, to the oceans, to the vegetation that’s on the Earth, to the, to the fowl that — that flies in the air, we need to have carbon dioxide as part of the fundamental life cycle of Earth."

Talk about three ignoramuses that need to "suck the pipe." Now, that would be a good use of gas.