SOME BRIEF OBSERVATIONS

HOLDING THEIR BREATH AND TURNING BLUE

The majority of the Republicans who are screaming about the Democrats in today's American political scene, are like the petulant boy in high school whose girlfriend dumped him for the hottest stud in the class. Instead of moving on and finding a new girlfriend, he puts all of his energy into trying to concoct negative spins about the guy who stole his girl.

In the case of Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney and Bill O'Reilly, there is no end to their absurdity insofar as badmouthing the "guy who took my girl." But like the whining teenager, they know in the recesses of their own mind that the ex-girlfriend made the move because there was someone out there far more attractive and much better suited to her needs.

The new boyfriend to dis for today's Republicans is Barack Obama. Compared to the jilted boyfriend, he is much more attractive, far more intelligent and is the sole center of attention at every party. Most importantly, he pays a lot of attention to the girl, makes her feel like a billion bucks and makes her the center of his focus. In other words, he is the all-time Big Man on Campus!!

Limbaugh & Company are the immature kid who can't be honest with himself. The more the new boyfriend is observed, the more apparent it is that the former girlfriend made the right move for all the right reasons.

The right wing fanaticism of previous years is becoming less and less influential almost by the hour. Unflappable Obama who doesn't miss a beat, gives new meaning to label of "the Teflon President." He is good-looking, blatantly smart and has the hot, intelligent wife and the super cute kids. He is just a lot sexier and far more appealing than Limbaugh or Cheney, neither of whom could get laid if you dropped them off at a Nevada whorehouse with $10,000 in cold cash in their pockets.

It's simple. The Republicans got their asses kicked in the last two national elections, are watching their ranks diminish (note: don't you love how Obama systematically plucks Republican officials away for jobs like Ambassador to China and Secretary of the Army) and are most likely going to take further hits in 2010.

Believe me, Rush, Dick and Bill are saying to themselves "this guy is good and we can't stop him."

DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS

Even down in Texas, a GOP stronghold after the era of LBJ, Republicans seem to be running around aimlessly and knocking over the furniture.

Pretty Boy Rick Perry, the governor muttering about secession, has about as much pull these days as Rod Blagojevich. The two of them are rumored to be upcoming guests on a new show, "Dancing with the Stupid." Slick Rick is even having problems with the GOP-controlled state legislature. The State Senate said no to a Perry-nominated selection for the Texas Parole Board, and both houses want to replace the Department of Transportation which currently headed by a Perry crony, and replace it with an elected commission.

There have been other stumbles along the way as well, but the one issue that plagues Slick is his outspoken resistance to taking the Lone Star State's share of the Federal stimulus money. This is another example of the pouting little kid syndrome which permeates through the GOP. It's popular and not their idea, so it must be no good.

Well, that is unless your house burned down.

Last year, arson resulted in the governor's mansion being damaged and the fix-up costs are projected at a modest $22 million. Slick, whose tact is totally unexplainable, said that half of the anticipated costs would come out of the stimulus money. The other half would be from the state budget and private citizen and corporate donations. Isn't this the party that claims they want less government and for Mr. and Mrs. America to keep their money and not see it going into public coffers?

By the way, is it possible the arsonist mistook the governor's mansion for an abortion clinic?

MEIN FUHRER, THEY ARE PLAYING YOUR SONG!

The Republican National Committee recently aired television spots attacking the current administration and Democratically-controlled Congress and specifically focused on the likes of Nancy Pelosi. A couple of weeks ago, Rachel Maddow wondered out loud about the background music of those commercials saying it sounded like something from Wagner that you would have heard on German airwaves in the 1930s. Thanks to my friend Tom Baines, an Oklahoma City attorney who is a true Renaissance man, I discovered the tune is by the late German composer Carl Orff and the music is from his opera Carmina Buruna, the theme of which revolves around defrocked priests and a fair amount of debauchery. Fitting, in a way, since the current Pope was once a member of the Hitler Youth Corps and later a WWII veteran in the Wehrmacht.

THANKS DADDY, BUT I'D RATHER HAVE AN OUT-OF-WEDLOCK BABY

Levi "what-time-are-your-parents-leaving" Johnston claims in a recent interview that his ex-girlfriend "Brillo" Palin was offered a new car by her father, Todd the First Dud, if she would dump Johnston. Brillo passed on the offer and one has to assume that by then her pregnancy test had turned blue (or whatever is the indicator that says "hey, sweetheart, you're all knocked up!") I wonder if she maybe said "yes and can you thrown in an infant seat, too?"

You would think that if you know your daughter was constantly fucking her boyfriend in your family room, that a car would just be another logical place for her to get laid, albeit not as comfortable. How about some kind of birth control, Todd? Oh sorry, I forgot that your God is against birth control.