WHEN THEY GET BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

Have you been wondering what goes on inside the row house headquarters of "the Family."

This isn't a "family" like "All in the Family." No, this is a special sect or cult of primarily U.S. congressman and a governor or two thrown. They are avowed fundamentalist Christians believing they are at the forefront in leading the U.S. and, indeed, the world" and are engaged in a crusade of righteous and God-fearing might.

They see themselves as setting the standard for moral behavior and Christian values. While they are at it, they want Christianity to rule the world.

All this and sexual infidelity with bribery on the side.

The row house is located on what now is becoming the infamous C Street S.E., just a few blocks from the U.S. Capitol.

The Family was founded in the mid-1930s as an ultra- conservative organization both politically and religiously. The group opposed the New Deal, and the whack job who came up with the concept, Abraham Vereide, claimed to have been moved to launch its founding when a vision of God visited him in the person of the head of the United States Steel Corporation. Quick, check on the supply of Thorazine and Haldol!!

The Family was little known and receiving no news coverage until the two most recent poster boys of naughty Republican behavior, Mark Sanford and John Ensign, got caught layin' cable with two babes who were not their wives. Surprise, both are members of the Family. Suddenly, a "who's who" of "family values" bible-quoting hypocrites who serve in public office, cropped up. Even a Democrat or two has been seduced by the rhetoric emitting from the brownstone structure.

They include the likes of Senators Sam Brownback (R-KS), Tom Coburn (R-OK) and Jim DeMint (R-SC) and Congressmen Zach Wamp (R-TN), Bart Stupak (D-MI) and Mike Doyle (D-PA). By the way, if your name was "Zach Wamp" don't you think at some point you would have legally changed all or part of it?

Not only do these guys routinely meet at C Street but several of them live there. They pay a mere $600 in rent which is a form of welfare given what rental rates are in D.C., especially in the neighborhood two to three minutes walking distance from the Capitol complex.

Which begs the question, what goes on between a bunch of married guys all living together in a building owned by a secret society? Men...married and otherwise...do, on occasion, head off together for things like fishing trips, golf trips, lets-see-a-game-at-every-major-league-ballpark-cavalcade, etc. But those are different. When it comes to the C Street boys all tucked in a cozy together for all the times when Congress is in session, something is a bit odd. Given recent developments during the collapse of the "family values" party can you say Mark Foley? Larry Craig?

As far back as I can remember, married members of Congress owned or rented homes in the Washington area and their wives and kids were with them and carrying on a typical family life. Just where are the wives and kids of these guys? It sure seems to me that these jesus-centered living arrangements allow for some flexibility when it comes to a bit of sexual inappropriateness whether it's a mid case of frottage inside the C Street house or full bore copulation outside of it.

A cornerstone of the Family's beliefs dating back nearly 75 years to its founding, is that the traditional concept of Christianity of helping the poor, the sick and the downtrodden is out the window. The Family basically says "fuck those people, this is about us and acquiring more wealth and power. It is really about you and me and our needs and self-gratification and all of this government involvement in serving the citizenry is taking away from what we want."

A case in point is Mark Sanford, the South Carolina governor recently caught high-tailing it to Argentina last month to chase pussy which wasn't his wife's.

A couple of months before he got caught with his pants down, Sanford was in the news because he was amongst a handful of Republican governors who announced they wouldn't accept any of their state's share of the Stimulus money. These fiscal conservatives would be damned if they took this money made available by the Obama Administration designed to help with the much-needed economic recovery.

Yesterday, the Huffington Post reported that Mysterious Mark "shed his fiscal conservatism on several taxpayer-funded international trips, including a South American jaunt that included time with his mistress and choosing expensive first-class or business-class seats while his aides sat in coach.

"Sanford, who once criticized other state officials for costly travel, charged the state more than $37,600 for one first-class and four business-class flights overseas since November 2005, expense records show.

Family value Mark charged the state $8,687 for a trip to Brazil last year that included business class.

Oh, yes, there was a side jaunt to fuck his Argentine mistress, Maria Belen Chapur.

In keeping with the true concept of the "have, have-nots" which is a hallmark of the Family, the rest of the state employees had to fly coach.

Caught with one hand in the state till and the other pulling down his zipper, Sanford had no choice but to repay $3,300 for part of that Brazil-Argentina poon tang jaunt.

His spokesman defended the governor's state travel as "very judicious."

A spokesman for the governor, Joel Sawyer, said sinful Sanford "compares very well" with previous state administrations when it comes to use of public money for travel.

That's nice, but were previous state officials getting laid in the process?