I Just Met a Girl Named Maria

Women from Argentina have played a special role in American politics over the last 35 years...and it hasn't been to enhance U.S. - Latin American economic aid packages!

Maria Chapur, the mistress to South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, is the not the first steamy, hot-blooded Latin to snooker an American politician. And so far, she has not been able to topple him from power which was also the case in 1974.

Back in October of that year, Fanne Foxe (real name Annabelle Battistella) came close to toppling U.S. Congressman Wilbur Mills from his powerful perch as chairman of the House Ways and Means committee. Mills was a veteran Democrat from Arkansas. Back then, the Democrats still ruled in the South and virtually all committee chairmanships in both the Senate and the House were held by wily, Southern good ol' boys most of whom loved mash whiskey, a good cigar and a nice piece of ass on the side.

At about 2 a.m. one morning in October of '74, Wilbur was driving Ms Foxe around down near the Jefferson Memorial. The fetching Fanne was a stripper who did a fair amount of disrobing back then in the nation's capitol. She had been known to cavort with Mills for some time. Problem was he was drunk that morning and hadn't bothered to turn on his headlights. The cops stopped him near the Jefferson Memorial. When they did, Fanne, in a panic, leapt out of the car. Obviously a bit shit-faced herself, she quickly surmised that she could escape by jumping into the Tidal Basin which flanks the Memorial. I guess she thought she could swim to the other side and emerge somewhere near the Lincoln Memorial. One of the cops jumped in after her and dragged her out of the water. She and Wilbur were hauled off to the slammer and the next day the entire country knew about Wilbur and Ms. Foxe who was dubbed "the Argentine Firecracker."

Back in the 1970s, no one talked about "family values" and the religious beliefs of public officials were pretty private. For Mills this was good because a month later, his constituents were not fazed by his early a.m. pursuit of nookie and reelected him to yet another term by roughly 60 percent of the vote. He served until 1976, retired and died in the early 1990s. Ms. Foxe continued to take her clothes off, later wrote a book about her affair with Wilbur and recognizing an opportunity when it presents itself, dropped the firecracker reference and anointed herself "the Tidal Basin Bombshell." Today, she is living back in Argentina.

Which brings us back to Ms. Chapur. In fairness, she is NOT a stripper. In fact, not all that much is known about her and how and where she and the Governor met is still vague. However, rumors are running amok that she is not the first babe our family values, bible-banging, jesus-loving governor has had. A Detroit-based blog claims to have evidence and names and that Sanford previously was schtupping at least two other women prior to Maria. It appears that when it comes to banging on the side, he likes both "the poon and the tang."

Republicans who, for the most part, screamed for Bill Clinton's scalp when it was proven that Monica Lewinsky gave him a hummer in the White House, have not been as vocal when it comes to punishment for Sanford. One noted exception is Ron Christie, a long-time GOP spokesperson and unwavering apologist for both Bush and Cheney (he worked for both during the past administration) who on yesterday's Ed Show on MSNBC called for Sanford to immediately resign and for the governor to repay what appears to be state money totaling roughly $8,000 used so he could go "cry for five days" in Buenos Aires. Christie said he was personally outraged.

Compare Christie's response to that of Fat Ass Rush Limbaugh. If you haven't heard his latest on the causes of Sanford's philandering, I swear I am not making this up. As you read it, you have to be struck by the very strong possibility that Limbaugh has to spend an enormous amount of time carefully creating and crafting this insane bullshit. I cannot imagine that he actually believes a majority of the stuff he spouts. This from a posting a few days ago on chattahbox.com:

According to Conservative radio talk show host and all around bombastic pontificator, Rush Limbaugh, Governor Mark Sanford went off the deep end this past week, disappearing for six days, cheating on his wife and jetting to Argentina to be in the arms of his mistress, because President Obama’s economic policies crushed his spirit. Got that? Although Republicans gamely attempt to blame President Obama and the Democrats for most of the nation’s woes, this latest example falls in a category all its own. Besides the economy, the unemployment rate and the violence in Iran, Republicans can now use Limbaugh’s new Meme to blame Obama for Republicans who cheat on their wives and other indiscretions, especially erratic behavior that “defies logic.” What an ingenious concept! Now Republican politicians can attend all night orgies with hookers or fire up a blunt in the halls of Congress and say: “Obama’s stimulus made me do it.” During Thursday’s radio show, Limbaugh spoke about Gov. Mark Sanford’s recent behavior as defying logic and this led Limbaugh to seriously surmise, that Sanford’s spirit must have been crushed from Obama’s economic policies. “All this hope and change…Obama is trying to kill spirit,” said Limbaugh. “People are saying screw it before Obama takes away their money…their houses.” Limbaugh didn’t stop his inane analogies there. Oh no, there is more. “This is almost like, I don’t give a damn, the country’s going to Hell in a handbasket, I just want out of here, Limbaugh said. “[Sanford] had just tried to fight the stimulus money coming to South Carolina. He didn’t want any part of it; he lost the battle. He said, what the hell. I mean, the federal government’s taking over…what the hell, I want to enjoy life.” “The point is, there are a lot of people whose spirit is just…they’re fed up, saying, To hell with it, I don’t even want to fight this anymore, I just want to get away from it,” said Limbaugh. Limbaugh went on to reiterate his statements, blaming Obama for Sanford cheating on his wife saying, “The Democrats are destroying the country, we can’t do anything to stop it.” So, let’s recap. Because of President Obama’s economic policies implemented to prevent the complete collapse of our economy, mostly due to eight years of damaging Republican policies under the Bush administration, Republicans like Gov. Sanford are saying to themselves, “To hell with it,” “I just want to get away…” “What the hell, I want to enjoy life.” According to Limbaugh’s reasoning, Gov. Sanford then cheated on his wife, abandoned his four children and his constituents, despondent, muttering under his breath “…I don’t even want to fight this anymore…” “To hell with it,” and then in a Zombie-like state boarded a plane to Argentina to be in the loving arms of his South American “exotic” mistress.
And all of this behavior can be attributed to Democrats ruining the country and Obama’s economic stimulus. Limbaugh is a genius! It’s Obama’s fault. The stimulus made me do it!

DOWN GOES JACKO AND THE WILD BULL OF THE PAMPAS

I woke up this morning and Michael Jackson was still dead.

I couldn't care less because, personally, I never gave a shit about this guy when he was alive. So, why concern myself with him now.

However, for South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford Jacko's demise couldn't have come at a better time. Toss in Farrah Fawcett croaking yesterday as well and Sanford can rest assured that in a 24 hour news cycle, his name won't be mentioned but once, perhaps twice.

This is because contemporary media, especially broadcast, has a history of jumping all over a breaking story involving some celebrity and riding it until its legs fall off and it collapses on the ground. Remember when Anna Nicole Smith went down? (Note: that's when she died, not all the guys she blew.) The media was on that story around the clock for a solid week. And for what reason? That broad had contributed absolutely nothing to society unless you think marrying some 90-year-old altacocker for his money, flaunting your tits in Playboy and continually getting fatter by the week is important to our societal well-being.

So Sanford, the violent unrest in Iran, health care reform, the economy and tonight's episode of "So You Think You Can Dance Your Stupid Ass Off" will disappear from the public eye for the foreseeable future.

This Blog will, nevertheless, stay focused on what matters. Like an elected official having a piece of ass on the side 5,000 miles from home.

So, let us return to Mark "the wild bull of the Pampas" Sanford. First the specifics of his affair take the prize among the most recent marital indiscretions by American politicians. I mean you can't top "he's hiking the Appalachian...oh, wait, he's in Argentina." Second place. I suppose, would have to go to Bill Clinton for getting head in the Oval office and then taking the cigar to new levels as a sex toy.

The real issue, as the vast majority of us know, is the hypocrisy that accompanies all this. It is also about the GOP brand and the fact that is now tarnished to a point never before seen in modern American political history.

First, we must acknowledge that naughtiness isn't confined to the Republicans. Besides the aforementioned Clinton, we also have Elliot Spitzer and John Edwards. Throw in Rod Blagojavich and Louisiana Congressman Bill "Deep Freeze" Jefferson and the Democrats have certainly contributed to the world of sleaze.

The difference is, of course, that the Democrats have not spent the last 25 to 30 years pontificating about so-called morality and "family values." Not doing so in no way justifies bad behavior. The critical point is that Republicans leapt to the far right a few decades back and convinced enough American voters that Democrats, especially the liberal kind, were immoral, dope-smoking, atheistic, lustful sinners (hey, that kinda' sounds like me!") and in doing so controlled American politics. They did so by conning enough gullible citizens that God was supporting their party and their candidates and covered the various mediums with images of them, their spouses (in almost all cases, wives) posing with their very cute and very white six to eight kids.

Now the chickens have come home to roost because enough of them have been dragged out into the bright sunlight and revealed to be like so many of the gays they denigrated, the skirt-chasers the wagged their fingers at and the Robber Barons who were stuffing the money into their own pockets instead of tithing on Sundays.

Family values is the phrase they milked to death. They were clever enough to use "family" in the names of their various advocacy groups like the Family Research Council and Focus on the Family. They loved to tell us that "the family" was the cornerstone of American society and without it (in the way they envisioned it) we were collectively doomed.

The media bought into it by never asking the question, "what are family values?" The answer is that there is no one standard for family values. Virtually every family has something called "values." The ultra-right, bible banging fruitcakes convinced America that it meant going to church every Sunday, making sure every pregnancy went to full term, putting your kids in Christian schools and stomping the shit out of every guy and lesbian you could find.

However, the rest of us have "values" for our family. For mine it means loving and supporting each other, teaching tolerance, being well-educated and informed and seeing to it the dogs have fresh water in their dishes.

A single mother with two kids has her "family values." The person committed to being single all their life has "family values." Hell, Ma Barker and her boys had "family values."

Simply, your family values are yours and not anyone else’s. And if you don't break the law in exercising them then they are just fine.

Mark Sanford seems to have his particular and rather peculiar set of family values. His wife and kids would appear to have a different set.

On a bigger scale, how the GOP views family values from here on out is up to them. But on the heels of Sanford, John Ensign, Larry Craig, Mark Foley and the Reverend Ted Haggard, they would be well advised to keep them to themselves and not interject them into future political debates. The great masses in the middle are simply not buying it anymore.

Oh, and Michael Jackson? Still dead.

Fanatics...Republicans and other kinds

Fanatics, both Republicans as well as other types, have had a good deal of success the past few weeks when it comes to making stupid, inappropriate comments. Most have been directed at President Obama (even his wife), pending legislation, Democrats in Congress and legal issues.

Let's begin with the Letterman apology regarding a joke about Sarah Palin's daughter. The joke was over the top and Letterman's eventual apology was genuine. The next day Palin released a statement saying she accepted and then, as only she and her ilk can do, launched into a bizarre series of comments supporting the military and GI's equating the joke and her apology with the job they do to defend our freedoms adding that thanks to them, we have freedom of speech (actually, thanks to the men who wrote the Constitution and the Bill of Rights we have freedom of speech.) But I guess that's a minor point for the good governor of the 49th state.

"I won't buy a socialist car, which means I won't be buying a GM or Chrysler car for as long as the U.S. government owns huge blocks of the companies."

So proclaimed right wing commentator and evangelist Hugh Hewitt in a column he recently wrote for the Washington Examiner. So, Hugh would rather see hundreds of thousands of GM and Chrysler employees lose their jobs and both companies disappear than have to tolerate what every rational person sees as the temporary government involvement/ownership of the two car makers.

Next, if you are President of the United States, don't take your wife out on a date and don't spend a little time looking at historical sites when you are overseas. The date issue is, of course, the Saturday night a few weeks back with the Obama's zipped off to NYC to have dinner and see a Broadway show. The President picked up the dinner and show tabs, but Republicans whined that it was inappropriate to even go out during tough economic times. Never mind that the guy who led us into tough economic times, used to nick taxpayers for all of the time he spent in Crawford, Texas. As for sightseeing, that comment came from Iowa Senator Charles Grassley while Obama was in the Middle East and Europe in early June. Obama must be the first (this is that font thing again) President in the Senator's mind who ever stopped to look around while in another country. Dick Nixon touring the Great Wall back in the early 70s doesn't seem to count.

Then there is Glen Beck of Fox. There aren't enough blogs to accommodate the list of utterly stupid things this guy has babbled over the airwaves. However, among his better ones was in early May when he told his viewers (and he was quite serious) that ACORN had plans to assassinate him. He asked his viewers to make certain that if he suddenly died, to not accept it as an accident or suicide. He will have been assassinated.

Speaking of ACORN, Michele Bachmann is not letting up when it comes to jaw-dropping stupidity. Her latest involves the census. Simply put, she and her family will only provide information as to the number of persons residing in her home. The reason? Well, all that information required (by law, honey!) will only be used by the political enemies of god-fearing, flag-waving dip shits like her to conspire against them and to start up those reeducation camps she is convinced the Obama Administration will soon establish.

Finally is PETA. Granted it's not a Republican entity but it is comprised of brainless fanatics.

Earlier this week, President Obama was being interviewed by CNBC correspondent John Harwood when an annoying common house fly begin buzzing around the Commander-in-Chief's head. Obama didn't take long to dispatch the intruder. When it landed on his left hand, the most powerful man in the world delivered a death swat with his right hand that was quicker than a beam of light. A few seconds later, the camera zoomed in on the dead insect lying on a White House rug.

It generated several chuckles and grins but not the approval of PETA. Let me just say that I view animal rights fanatics with the same perspective I view religious and pro-life fanatics: mentally unbalanced lunatics who are basically the same people just seated in different parts of the room. If you ever want to get into their heads, read about their founder, Ingrid Newkirk. This bimbo needs to be in a lock-up unit. To use an animal example, she's crazier than a shit house rat.

PETA publicly protested Obama killing the fly and said they were sending him some goofball contraption called a Katcha Bug Humane Bug Catcher.

Their message is that humans should tolerate and not eliminate disease-carrying insects like flies and mosquitoes. Let's put some of these cute little insect houses in Africa so we don't have to whack all the mosquitoes that kills hundreds of thousands each year through malaria.

Actually, I think we should use the Katcha Bug and trap several hundred cockroaches, a major carrier of numerous life-threatening maladies. Then let them go free in PETA headquarters.

It would be interesting to see how long it would take for PETA to call the Orkin man.

Beer at the Bank

Now for a little politics and sports.

First, I am somewhat of an unusual liberal Democrat. I own guns and like to hunt and fish. I like to smoke cigars, especially those great ones from commie Cuba. I hope someday to own a Ferrari 575 Maranello which gets about 11 miles to the gallon in the city and maybe 15 out on the highway. It also spews out a lot of crap that causes the earth to warm, ice caps to melt, the ozone to evaporate and babies and young mothers to die in droves. Still, it's the sexiest looking car imaginable, can hit 210 mph on a straightaway and turns the head of every hot looking babe it passes. Hey, it's a Ferrari!!

And I like to drink. Drinking for a Minnesotan is a challenge since our liquor laws are akin to Utah's. Remember, it was U.S. Representative Andrew Volstead from Granite Falls, Minn. who helped usher in Prohibition. The law disallowing booze was named after him because he chaired the committee in which it was introduced and he eagerly walked it through Congress and into law. The person who was really behind it was Ohio Congressman Wayne Wheeler who founded some dumb ass organization known as the Anti-Saloon League. Justice was served when Wheeler died unexpectedly at the age of 58 when Prohibition was only a few years old. Served the worthless son of a bitch right, I say.

Back to Minnesota and its booze laws. Unlike the vast majority of states, we don't sell any kind of off-sale alcohol on Sundays. The Blue Law Backers must think god will smote you...or something...if you drink on the Sabbath. I’ve always thought Sunday well suited to having a few drinks. When the traditional brunch-time Bloody Mary is downed about the time the true believers exit the house of the lord there is a good chance a lot of people already have a nice buzz going. It gives new meaning to saying you “are in an A.A. program”…Atheists for Alcohol.

Minnesota was the first place that the Pleasure Prohibitionists (who have absolutely ruined life as we knew it in the Sixties and Seventies) decided that the sale of that piss-water beer sold at the Metrodome in downtown Minneapolis had to stop after the seventh inning stretch in baseball and at the end of the third quarter in football.

Which brings me to the soon-to-open University of Minnesota football stadium. Originally, the plan was to sell alcohol in the suites and high-priced loge seats. The rest of the stadium would be off limits to even beer. Then Gov. Pawlenty and the legislature decided to stick their noses into this. The argument was very Minnesotan: we are all equal even when it comes to boozing. Pawlenty even went so far as to claim we are "not a two class state." That comment is filled with irony since he seems to think there is a distinct two class system when it comes to everything else like income tax structures. This is where the very rich pay a far less and fair proportion of state income taxes than do the rest of us. On this occasion, however, he linked arms with the state house and senate and passed a law saying beer must be made available to all of the roughly 50,000 people attending Gopher games. U of M President Bob Bruininks said no to that approach and announced he will recommend to the Board of Regents that no booze be sold at all. Not anywhere. There is even discussion about banning booze a fan brings to tailgate in University parking lots before and after the game.

This is a classic case of cutting off your nose to spite your face. Such a ban will mean the U Athletic Department will lose out on much-needed revenue to pay down the debt for the stadium. However, the biggest problem is with the several thousand people who shelled out a lot of money for the primo seats and suites where they were originally promised that booze would be available. The stadium web site even touts "the bar" which will be in the DQ Club behind the high roller seats between the two 40-yard lines on the home side of the field. I originally thought the DQ stood for Dairy Queen. Now I think it stands for "Don't Quaff."

So, all these people who have lots of money (some seats are $450 a game!!) are now not going to be able to have a drink as was promised. Besides the lost revenue, Bruininks and the Regents might want to start factoring in what they will be paying in legal fees to defend themselves in a lawsuit which is sure to come if this stupid idea isn't rescinded.

This is a plague on both houses. The legislature and the governor should never have touched this one. Lots of people over in St. Paul didn't think ahead. Some obvious things slipped right by them. One is that when people pay more for service they get more than those who don't. I am a liberal Democrat that realizes equality addresses providing opportunity and doing away with laws and regulations that prevent opportunity. However, when I fly coach on a commercial airliner, I accept that I am not going to get free drinks, great meals and the attention of some knock out stewardess. First class and coach are two distinctly different things. As a Democrat, if I want my picture taken with Barack Obama I have to pay for it. Probably $2k minimum. Somebody who can't pay doesn't get their picture taken with the Prez...or his babe of a wife, the cute kids or the damn dog!!

All right, a bonehead piece of legislation was passed and signed into law. Bruininks says he doesn't want to have beer universally available at TCF Bank Stadium. Guess what, Bob, it was for over a quarter of a century at the Dome and I am hard pressed to remember any wide spread unpleasantries taking place because people were drunk and out of control. I'm sure someone can cite the anecdotal occurrence or two that happened probably at every game and probably quite quietly and which the vast, vast majority of the fans were unaware. So, sell the stuff to everyone. In the case of students, everyone needs to show his ticket stub. It gets punched or marked each time a beer is bought and the limit is two per person. There, that takes care of the matter.

Finally, the biggest argument for booze at the Bank is that since 1952 when I was eight years old, I have been going to Gopher football games. Except for the years under Murray Warmath, I have seen far too many teams take the field that were so lacking in talent they would have been better off playing Division II football (the Salem and Wacker years come to mind) and I have seen far too many games where we had big leads pissed away by horrific coaching (can you say Gutekunst and Mason?) Therefore, I figured out a long time ago that if one is going to subject himself to this kind of football, it's probably smart to be a little liquored up.

Anybody who wants to discuss this further can contact me and we can delve into it over drinks.

NO EXTREMISTS FOR US AMERICANS, THANK YOU

Back in the 1960s, the American political landscape was rocked hard by the escalating war in Vietnam. There was ever-growing displeasure with the conflict in general and the constant stream of dead Americans coming home for burial in particular.

At the same time, the Civil Rights movement had transferred from the non-violent and effective approach of Martin Luther King to riots and mass destruction in cities across the country.

Throw in the King and RFK assassinations and America was longing for a quick end to the war and a nice dose of Law and Order.

In 1968, there was enough of what Richard Nixon coined "the silent majority" to raise him from the political dead and plop him into the White House. He and the Republicans appealed to the building fears and critical perceptions a majority of the country had when it came to radical extremists on the Left.

The lesson here is that the majority of Americans doe not like political extremes be they far left or far right.

Four years earlier, Lyndon Johnson had trounced Barry Goldwater, the face of American Conservatism, in the Presidential election. At the time, Goldwater seemed to a significant number of Americans to be an extremist whose views, especially on foreign and military affairs, were frightening. In fairness 45 years later, it needs to be pointed out that Goldwater was a significantly different Conservative than the so-called Conservatives who make up today's GOP. The senator from Arizona had two major dislikes: Communism and big government. He muttered just enough times that if he were in the White House, nukes were an option in Southeast Asia to stop the commies. (Scary stuff to a country still recovering from the murder of JFK. We longed for peace and serenity.

In retrospect, had Goldwater somehow become commander-in-chief, it's a safe bet that U.S. participation in Vietnam would not have dragged on until the mid-1970s. Granted, instead of roughly 58,000 American dead it might have been 158,000 dead and the vast majority of Southeast Asia would have been a permanent wasteland.

However, Goldwater was also a bit of a Civil Libertarian. In today's atmosphere, he would not get involved in things like abortion or gay rights. He and his wife, Peggy, were major supporters of Planned Parenthood and one of their daughter's, Joanne, had an abortion in the mid-1950s when it was illegal. In fact, Goldwater himself arranged for it to be done in Washington, D.C. Later, Joanne, whose abortion was the result of a pregnancy involving her future husband, had three daughters all of whom would have abortions.

Goldwater had a gay grandson whom it is said received the same level of love and support from him as all of his other grandchildren. Goldwater, who died in 1998, was around during the time when the issue of gays in the military was getting a fair amount of play. He had been a pilot and rose to the rank of Brigadier General in the Air Force and the Armed Forces were a big deal to him. When asked about the "don't ask, don't tell" approach regarding gays in the military, Goldwater snapped "I don't give a damn if somebody is straight; they just have to shoot straight."

In his last years, Goldwater spoke often and openly about his fear of the radical right taking over the traditional American conservative movement. He especially ranted about the intrusion of religion in politics and TV evangelists spouting off in support of Republicans. He once remarked, that "every Christian ought to line up and kick Jerry Falwell's ass."

Contemporary Republicans rarely reference Goldwater these days. Reagan, in part because he was somewhat more successful when it came to seeking the White House, gets far more reference… that and, of course, his pro-choice, pro-god position.

Back to today's extremism.

It's 2009 and Obama has been in office just shy of five months. In less than 30 days, two innocent people have been murdered, one because he performed a fully legal medical procedure and the other because he was black. The two men held as suspects in these killings, are obviously mentally ill.

Nevertheless, the perception is that both situations rose out of an extreme right wing part of American politics. It is far, far right but the views, comments and position by those less far, far right (but still very right) only contribute to the extremist label Americans don't like.

Back in the 1960s, there was a significant difference between the SDS Weathermen and college students working on the Gene McCarthy and Bobby Kennedy campaigns. In the end, it didn't make any difference to the majority of voters who flipped the switch in the voting booth for Dick Nixon.

Today, there are enough voters who will not see much difference between Michele Bachmann and James Inhofe when compared to Scott Roeder and James von Brunn. Yes, they know two of the four are psychotic. The other two are political radicals but they all seem to be milling about down at the far end of the field.

Combine all this with the constant barrage of stupid, rash commentary coming from the likes of Limbaugh, etc. and when 2010 rolls around, and unless there is a complete economic collapse, most independent, centrist Americans will not find the far right in America very appealing.

If you aren't paying attention to where you are standing in the political arena, it's easy to get painted with the same brush.

RECKLESS JOURNALISTS AND ALL GOVERNEMNT IS BAD

STAY OUT. IT AIN'T WORTH IT.

This message goes out to young, inexperienced aspiring journalists.

There are some stories that are not worth it, especially when the story becomes you.

This week's announcement that the regime in North Korea sentenced Americans Laura Ling and Euna Lee to 12 years of hard labor following their arrests a couple of months ago for illegally entering the country, should come as no surprise. This is on the heels of a similar set of occurrences in Iran where Roxana Saberi was arrested, tried and sentenced, but then released and returned to the U.S. roughly a week later.

The simple fact is that to get youself in such a perilous situation is nothing short of stupid. Dogs and small children use more common sense. In the case of Ling and Lee, both were working for Current TV, which is owned, at least in part, by Al Gore. I am a long time admirer and supporter of Mr. Gore but in this case, either he and/or his associates demonstrated a glaring lack of common sense and responsibility in allowing the two women to cross over the NK border from China to do this story. They were apparently investigating whether North Korean citizens were slipping over the border into China in search of food as well as rumors of North Korean women being trafficked into China for sex (geez, don't you think you were a male in a country of 1.5 billion people there would already be a fair number of babes for you to have sex with?) Anyway, Ling is especially well known for her daring (and often risky) reporting on everything from the drug war in Columbia to reports from the field in Iraq and Afghanistan.

As a former journalist, I appreciate, especially when so much of reporting has gone "soft" in recent years, the willingness to do stories on difficult subjects. Nevertheless, you do reach a point where you need to be prudent and put on the brakes. Regardless of how brutal the North Korean regime of Kim Jong-Il is and how equally repressive things are in Iran, the fact is that the careless behavior of three people has forced the U.S. Government into a tricky and quite unnecessary series of diplomatic moves to get their asses out of jail. In the case of North Korea, this mucks up trying to get them to get out of the nuclear weapons business.

In the end, the stories the three sought to report have been eclipsed by the stories about them and their lack of clear thinking.

I WANT A NURSE STANDING BETWEEN MY DOCTOR AND ME!!

One of the latest arguments by the Republicans, who are trying their best to scuttle anything resembling health care reform, is asking the question of whether we want the government "standing between us and our doctor." I suppose, at least in my case, the answer is "no" especially if he is about to given me a digital prostate exam. Otherwise, I am rather OK with the idea and especially after the evidence clearly shows that riding the train of private insurance for many decades has lead to a nightmare derailment for the majority of Americans.

This position by the Republicans and their supporters triggers in me a need to look at the bigger picture and to shed a little historical light on this subject of government in our lives.

Whenever we start to whisper about a national or public health care program in this country, invariably there is comparison to the rest of the world. The all-government-is-evil crowd somehow dredges up the arguments that have been thrown out there for years that once our health care system becomes run by the government, Americans will start dropping like flies because the system won't be able to deliver, we won't get the treatment we need, you will have to wait at least seven years to get in for a routine physical and America has the best health care system in the world otherwise why would kings, queens and prime ministers all come to the Mayo Clinic. All those people in Britain, Canada, Australia, France, Denmark, Italy, Israel, Spain, Luxembourg, China, Japan, the Netherlands, etc., are racked with disease, rarely live past seventy-five, have unhealthy babies, are fat, out-of-shape slobs and spend a disproportionate percentage of their annual income on health care.

No, sorry. That's the situation in the U.S.

Which brings up another, yet related, issue. The anti-government mind set in America.

For almost all of my life (and I'm 65) a very large segment of the American populace has bought into the premise that all government is bad and dysfunctional. Despite the recent, massive and well-publicized failures of huge segments of the private sector, too many Americans automatically assume that bright, competent and successful people all reside in the private sector while the public sector is mostly comprised of knuckle-dragging, lazy, paper-shuffling, stupid louts.

So, let's take a look at some of the many things the government does so badly:

* Delivers the mail.
* Fights fires and quickly responds to medical emergencies.
* Runs the military, which for over 200 years has had a very high success rate (OK, there was Vietnam.)
* Controls the takeoffs and landings of thousands of aircraft every day.
* Operates the largest national park system in the world.
* Gets tens of millions of people their Social Security checks on time each month.
* Monitors the foods and drugs we ingest.
* Oversees a legal system, which is the envy of almost all of the rest of the world.
* Issues you a fishing or hunting license in a matter of minutes.
* Administers a system of voting which, despite occasional screw-ups, works wonderfully.
* Enforces a document and its attached amendments, which protects us from them and each other. That would be the Constitution and the Bill of Rights, Mr. and Mrs. Anti-Government. I hope you appreciate it. It gives you and all Americans the right to openly voice your opinion without reprisal even though your opinions are often flawed.

SOME BRIEF OBSERVATIONS

HOLDING THEIR BREATH AND TURNING BLUE

The majority of the Republicans who are screaming about the Democrats in today's American political scene, are like the petulant boy in high school whose girlfriend dumped him for the hottest stud in the class. Instead of moving on and finding a new girlfriend, he puts all of his energy into trying to concoct negative spins about the guy who stole his girl.

In the case of Rush Limbaugh, Dick Cheney and Bill O'Reilly, there is no end to their absurdity insofar as badmouthing the "guy who took my girl." But like the whining teenager, they know in the recesses of their own mind that the ex-girlfriend made the move because there was someone out there far more attractive and much better suited to her needs.

The new boyfriend to dis for today's Republicans is Barack Obama. Compared to the jilted boyfriend, he is much more attractive, far more intelligent and is the sole center of attention at every party. Most importantly, he pays a lot of attention to the girl, makes her feel like a billion bucks and makes her the center of his focus. In other words, he is the all-time Big Man on Campus!!

Limbaugh & Company are the immature kid who can't be honest with himself. The more the new boyfriend is observed, the more apparent it is that the former girlfriend made the right move for all the right reasons.

The right wing fanaticism of previous years is becoming less and less influential almost by the hour. Unflappable Obama who doesn't miss a beat, gives new meaning to label of "the Teflon President." He is good-looking, blatantly smart and has the hot, intelligent wife and the super cute kids. He is just a lot sexier and far more appealing than Limbaugh or Cheney, neither of whom could get laid if you dropped them off at a Nevada whorehouse with $10,000 in cold cash in their pockets.

It's simple. The Republicans got their asses kicked in the last two national elections, are watching their ranks diminish (note: don't you love how Obama systematically plucks Republican officials away for jobs like Ambassador to China and Secretary of the Army) and are most likely going to take further hits in 2010.

Believe me, Rush, Dick and Bill are saying to themselves "this guy is good and we can't stop him."

DEEP IN THE HEART OF TEXAS

Even down in Texas, a GOP stronghold after the era of LBJ, Republicans seem to be running around aimlessly and knocking over the furniture.

Pretty Boy Rick Perry, the governor muttering about secession, has about as much pull these days as Rod Blagojevich. The two of them are rumored to be upcoming guests on a new show, "Dancing with the Stupid." Slick Rick is even having problems with the GOP-controlled state legislature. The State Senate said no to a Perry-nominated selection for the Texas Parole Board, and both houses want to replace the Department of Transportation which currently headed by a Perry crony, and replace it with an elected commission.

There have been other stumbles along the way as well, but the one issue that plagues Slick is his outspoken resistance to taking the Lone Star State's share of the Federal stimulus money. This is another example of the pouting little kid syndrome which permeates through the GOP. It's popular and not their idea, so it must be no good.

Well, that is unless your house burned down.

Last year, arson resulted in the governor's mansion being damaged and the fix-up costs are projected at a modest $22 million. Slick, whose tact is totally unexplainable, said that half of the anticipated costs would come out of the stimulus money. The other half would be from the state budget and private citizen and corporate donations. Isn't this the party that claims they want less government and for Mr. and Mrs. America to keep their money and not see it going into public coffers?

By the way, is it possible the arsonist mistook the governor's mansion for an abortion clinic?

MEIN FUHRER, THEY ARE PLAYING YOUR SONG!

The Republican National Committee recently aired television spots attacking the current administration and Democratically-controlled Congress and specifically focused on the likes of Nancy Pelosi. A couple of weeks ago, Rachel Maddow wondered out loud about the background music of those commercials saying it sounded like something from Wagner that you would have heard on German airwaves in the 1930s. Thanks to my friend Tom Baines, an Oklahoma City attorney who is a true Renaissance man, I discovered the tune is by the late German composer Carl Orff and the music is from his opera Carmina Buruna, the theme of which revolves around defrocked priests and a fair amount of debauchery. Fitting, in a way, since the current Pope was once a member of the Hitler Youth Corps and later a WWII veteran in the Wehrmacht.

THANKS DADDY, BUT I'D RATHER HAVE AN OUT-OF-WEDLOCK BABY

Levi "what-time-are-your-parents-leaving" Johnston claims in a recent interview that his ex-girlfriend "Brillo" Palin was offered a new car by her father, Todd the First Dud, if she would dump Johnston. Brillo passed on the offer and one has to assume that by then her pregnancy test had turned blue (or whatever is the indicator that says "hey, sweetheart, you're all knocked up!") I wonder if she maybe said "yes and can you thrown in an infant seat, too?"

You would think that if you know your daughter was constantly fucking her boyfriend in your family room, that a car would just be another logical place for her to get laid, albeit not as comfortable. How about some kind of birth control, Todd? Oh sorry, I forgot that your God is against birth control.

THE LUNACY OF RELIGION IN A KANSAS CHURCH

The responses yesterday on the network news to the Tiller murder Sunday ranged from outrage not just by the this act but the years of stalking, bombings and the roughly half dozen other murders to responses by those who are pro-life and claim to be against such acts of violence.

Abortion has been legal in the U.S. for 36 years although many states have certain restrictions in place. Abortion is legal in the majority of the world's nations. It is not legal, or is very restricted, in many Muslim countries in the Middle and Near East and in Africa. Parts of the Caribbean are also not as liberal as most of the Western World.

The factors which were in play leading to Dr. George Tiller's death are many. But there is little doubt that those who run the anti-abortion movement know full well that given enough time and enough rhetoric, it doesn't take much to set up a mentally deranged lunatic to pull the trigger or plant the bomb.

Scott Roeder, the suspect in the assassination of Tiller, has a long history of involvement with fervent fringe groups like Kansas Unorganized Citizens Militia. Roeder also belonged to a group called One Supreme Court. As is typical, these people are opposed to pretty well all forms of a government, believe they don't have to pay taxes and in Roeder's case, shouldn't have to register their vehicles. Roeder's ex-wife and his brother say he has for years displayed the known symptoms of mental illness.

Which gets to the point.

People like Bill O'Reilly and Randall Terry know damn good and well that when they continually (as O'Reilly did nearly 30 times in the past few years) call the doctor things like "Tiller the Baby Killer" or that he had "blood on his hands" then the Roeders of the world are just one more vitriolic statement away from snapping.

Frank Schaeffer is an author and filmmaker who made the leap from being a part of the bizarre, ultra-right, evangelical world to a sane and serene place called political and religious moderation. He has authored a recent book "Crazy for God" which chronicles his life as the son of the late evangelist and pro-life fanatic Francis Schaeffer, founder of a religious movement called L'Abri. Schaeffer the Younger was on MSNBC last night and was adamant that while those in the pro-life movement were quick to condemn the murder of Tiller that behind closed doors they are exultant.

It makes sense. In my estimation, a large number of these wingnuts don't really give a shit about the sanctity of life. Not in the abstract they don't. Their movements are about power....political, social and personal power. If they truly cared about this, they would be putting a huge effort and money into contraception programs. But even that subject unveils further insanity. A big part of the pro-life movement is made up of people from devout Catholics to fruitcakes like the Duggar family who believe contraception is evil and that God wants us to reproduce like a bunch of goddamn jack rabbits. Condoms, the pill, IUDs and getting your tubes tied are a one-way ticket to hell and damnation.

It is also about power over other people. In the case of abortion, those people are women. Bible banger groups, with very few exceptions, subjugate women to an inferior status either within their own structure or in the world they would concoct for the rest of us. No to female clerics in our church or mosque. Your body is not yours, it's God's. You are on this earth to squeeze out a bunch of babies, keep the house clean and your mouth and mind shut.

God speaks to these assholes and commands them to kill abortion doctors, infidels and anyone who is different than they are.

For nearly a decade we have seen radical religious dirt bags murder, whether en mass or, in the case of Tiller, one at a time. There is no difference between crazy Christians or mad Muslims. For that matter, virtually all religions have their share of insanity.

Remember what Madalyn Murray O'Hair, the late atheist, said. “Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea.”

Nearly eight years ago that was born out at the lower end of Manhattan, in Virginia across the Potomac from Washington D.C. and in a farm field in Pennsylvania.

It also was born out Sunday in Wichita, Kansas...and in a fatal twist of irony....in a church.